Common knowledge tells us the first year of marriage is the hardest. Don’t think your relationship will be any different. Marriage takes hard work and sacrifice. Think of the most difficult thing you have ever done. Did you struggle through college, move on your own to a completely new place or start your own business? You sacrificed time with friends, money, hobbies and maybe even family events to pursue your goal. Marriage will be harder, but the end will justify the means. Everything worthwhile in life takes hard work. Don’t think you have to do it all on your own. If you are about to get married or if you already are and are having difficulty getting used to each other, follow these tips and get your relationship on track.
1. Discuss the most important parts of your life before marriage.
What each person finds important varies. For some, having children, a specific number of children or no children is a deal breaker. Others could take or leave the parenting life. Have you and your partner made a list of the 10 must haves in a marriage? Don’t take this lightly and say you want to have sex five times a day every day. Think hard. You are both working and living together, what is important to you.
No matter what your values are, a few topics that must be included on your list are finances, family expectations and roles. Do you want to go out and work while your spouse stays at home? Will you take turns doing the dishes and taking out the trash? How soon do you want to have kids? Should you have a joint account or keep separate ones? Will your partner be willing to leave you while you watch football on Sundays? How important is it that you attend a weekly religious service? These all need to be discussed. In some cases, you may need to make compromises and sacrifices. Be willing, but let your partner know they too must be willing to make their own compromises and sacrifices.
2. Don’t sweat the small stuff; talk it out.
Unless you have a home big enough for you each to claim your own room, chances are there will be no man cave or princess palace for either of you. The décor style you both have will be mixed. There will be compromises and sacrifices. Perhaps you will make a rule that the bed is a neutral space – no floral or sports patterned sheets. Where you want to put flowers the other wants to hang and football jersey. You both want to keep your sofas but there is only room for one.
Take a deep breath and remind yourself that these small things are not important. Every time you get to display something you want, your partner will want the same. This is small, and eventually you will find that both your styles work well together.
It is also possible you both have different definitions of clean. Make sure to discuss these with an open mind. One may be willing to pick up a little more if the other loosens up about a few things being scattered around the home.
3. Plan for and define ‘alone time.’
We all have moments where we don’t want to be bothered. It’s important that your partner knows when to leave you be, especially when you are living together. There is no need to snap at your partner the first time they invade your private space. If possible, let them know before it happens when you need ‘alone time.’ It may be as simple as, don’t talk to me as soon as I get home from work, I need my rest first or let me be when I’m reading. The most important aspect of ‘alone time’ is for your partner to interpret it correctly. Imagine you come home from work and your partner greats you. You respond with a grunt and sit in front of the T.V. without a word. They may assume you are upset with them. If they know you want to be left alone after work, tell them and you never have to risk hurt feelings.
4. Plan some time just for the two of you
Once a week or once a month, plan some time where you both can simply enjoy being in love. Don’t skip out on this even if you are mad. Use this time to remind yourselves of why you got married in the first place. Whether you go out or stay in, make sure what you do together is special. Don’t just sit, have dinner and call it a date. Start a tradition and plan something specific that is only to be done on date night.
Marriage can be rough at times. Remember everyone has a hard time, but the end will justify the means. Communicate with each other before you marry and make sure you have the same expectations of married life. If you are already married and having trouble, give your relationship some time and effort. It’s not too late to discuss room décor or finances. If you find that you are still not communicating well, think about seeking counseling. The average American couple is in an unhappy marriage for six years before seeking help or divorce. Imagine how much anger and frustration could build up over six years. If you are having trouble communicating and making peace in your home, think about going to one or two couple counseling sessions. You are not a failure and you are not giving up on your marriage. What you do by seeking help is make the health of your relationship a priority. Don’t wait six years. Talk it out now and if you need help, get it now.
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Author Bio: Tonya Vrba is a passionate writer. Her work has been published in newspapers and blogs. She writes frequently about health, career and dating issues. Tonya currently writes with Dating Sites Online. Learn more about her work at her persnal wesites
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3 comments:
you are define here very nice tips. i like it.
Thanks. You are welcome.
Marriage does make a person feel compromised. But, the loving and sharing companionship itself is enough to balance that out. You really managed to get all the basic point that may make a marriage quite troublesome in the early years. Then again, a strong loving bond never lets either of the partners to feel inferior to another; in fact, they love to sacrifice for their spouse and manage their lives accordingly. Being married means sharing, doesn’t it. I totally love your suggestion about listing the important factors that you would like in your life together. It would really bring you closer, understanding what your priorities are; not to mention keep you from getting into petty arguments over them later in your life. Then there is this advice about getting some alone time. I second that too, marriages do need sparks to thrive and develop.
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